CrippledCracker [presents] "SOUP N CCRACKERS"
The beginning of CCracker
Sunday, March 22, 2015
Friday, March 21, 2014
MY FIRST HAND"S ON MASTABATION EXPERIENCE
#67 - MY FIRST HANDS ON MASTURBATION EXPERIENCE
I HAD BEEN TOLD BY MY GRANDMOTHER AFTER SHE HAD CAUGHT ME PLAYING WITH MYSELF THAT THE ANGELS IN HEAVEN HAD BEEN WATCHING ME. The way in which she had said that had been in an angry tone. I had only been about 8 or 9 when she had told me that and it had been one of those things that had stuck with me in one way or the other until I was 19. I use to be a pillow humper and I had gotten really good at it and even though I was no longer afraid of the angels seeing me, I had stuck with the routine through my teens. THERE IS A VIDEO ON MY WEB SITE WHERE MY PHYSICAL THERAPIST HAD COMMENTED ON THE STRENGTH IN MY GLUTS . I remember how I had been giving a bunch of nu-die mags and my sister's would barge into the bathroom. I LIKED TO READ ALL TYPES OF BOOKS WHEN I HAD BEEN SITTING ON THE POT. Trying to catch me masturbating, I had seen the movie SOMETHING ABOUT MARY and even though I had caught the jest of what stiller's character had been doing to the bra adds I had wondered how to do that. I HAD BEEN MATURE SOMEWHAT AND HAD LEARNED QUITE A BIT ABOUT LIFE THROUGH MY BATTLES WITH MY HEALTH BUT, I HAD NOT BEEN A WELL ROUNDED PIECE OF CLAY TOWARDS THE END OF MY TEENS. I should have known how to do it but I would learn that my brain and the body had already known . I was in my dorm room one weekend and my smelly roommate had gone home for the weekend, I was one of the only guy's on my floor to have cable and I had been very popular on the weekends because of it. A GIRLS GONE WILD infomercial had came on with the star over their breast and below, it had repeated several time's like those infomercials do. I had been extremely aroused and had pulled myself out of my pajama-pants, I had never taken my eyes off of that screen and before I had known it my chest had been wet.
I had not been able to resist the urge so, I would wrestle the neighbor girls. I had continued to masturbate with my right hand.
Monday, February 24, 2014
THE BAD GIFT
She had stayed on the floor above in the dorm and she had hung around a few other girls that my friends and I hung around with. She had shared a room with one of those girls and she had also known Tonya. One of the guy's that had been a friend of mine had warned me about her when she had began to hang out inmy dorm room all that time uninvited.. I remember coming back from a class and found her in my dorm room on my bed and she had been folding up my clean clothes from the night before when I had done my laundry. The girl had been a sweet person, one that would make a guy feel guilty by hurting her feeling's by asking her to leave. The bitch of it had been that when the girl that I had liked came by she had always not bothered saying anything to me when ever she had came by my door, when I had someone in the room with me. I HAD ALWAYS KEPT MY DOOR OPEN EVER SINCE THE DEPARTURE OF MY SMELLY ROOM MATE, IT HAD BEEN EMBARRASSING FOR PEOPLE THAT SMELLED THE ODOR BECAUSE I HAD BEEN AFRAID THAT THEY WOULD BLAME IT ON ME. I HAD NOT BEEN ADDICTED TO WARCRAFT LIKE HE AND I HAD WASHED MY ASS EVERY DAY, HE HAD NEVER LIKED TO GET OFF OF HIS COMPUTER BATHE The girl had spent more and more time in my room and it had gotten to the point where I had always closed my door. One day I had decided that by keeping a sleeping bag on my mattress would allow me to avoid having to load my BATMAN sheets into a shopping cart that I had "borrowed" from a store near by, to take the sheets down to the basement containing the washers and dryers hoping that no one would spot my sheets. I HAD GOTTEN TIRED OF HAVING TO SPEEDILY THROW MY SHEETS IN A MACHINE NOT WANTING ANYONE TO KNOW THAT I HAD SLEPT ON SUCH IMMATURITY. The girl had offered to help me break in the sleeping bag and I did not know what to say to her besides,"I DID NOT HAVE THE TIME BECAUSE I HAD TO GO AND STUDY." I WISH THAT I HAD A TIME MACHINE SO THAT I COULD GO BACK TO ALL THE TIMES THAT I HAD REFUSED IT WITH KNOWLEDGE OF KNOWING THAT MY BODY COULD DO THE JOB, I WISH I HAD NOT WAITED SO LONG TO LOSE MY VIRGINITY! My friends and I had went to the strip-club often and we also spend time in the Oregon district at a Adult Video Store. One day in the store I had seen a Dildo that I had bought for the girl as I had no interest in her, but I wanted to be her friend. I SHOULD HAVE PUT MORE THOUGHT INTO WHAT I HAD BEEN DOING AND TRIED TO SEE HOW IT MAY HAVE EFFECTED HER BUT, I HAD NOT AND WRITE IT OFF AS ONE OF THE MANY STUPID THINGS I HAD DONE WHEN I WAS YOUNGER. I had got back to the Dorm and I laid the Dildo on her bed, and a few hours later she had opened my door, she had been very angry and threw the Dildo at my head. I had went up to the girl's floor and asked every girl on the floor if they had wanted the toy because it had cost me $15.00 bucks, finally a girl told me that she would hold on to it. THE GIRL HAD STAYED MAD AT ME AND WE HAVE NEVER SPOKE AGAIN.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
#78 -
FIRST TIME THAT I GOT HIGH
Dolores had accused me of smoking weed when I had still lived in her house. Then she had accused me of smoking when i had moved on campus but I had only drank beer, smoked cigarettes and always turned it down. I had always turned down weed whenever I had it offered to me because I had enough shit wrong with me already. I had no idea how the weed would have affected me and I had no interest in finding out. I had began to work with Allie as she had came to the university and would take me to run my errands and to the grocery store. I had already been on academic probation and had known that the dormitory had to be vacated during the upcoming summer so that the college had been able to make repairs, I had no idea where I would end up. I had called a friend and then Delores's ex-boyfriend that had told me to call his sister and when I had talk to her husband. They had known that I would never go back to Delores's house and he had told me that I could stay if I had not messed with his sixteen year old step-daughter. SHE HAD MADE IT VERY HARD AND IT WAS ALSO HARD TO KEEP MY HANDS OFF OF HER! I had managed to follow his wishes, and i had stayed at their house for a few months until Allie had told me that she had a opening in one of her apartments. During that time I had stayed with the family and Allie had continued to take me on my errands, I would ride around with her while she was working with other clients. ONE DAY WE HAD STOPPED AT A PARK, AND SHE HAD TOLD ME THAT SHE HAD WANTED ME TO TRY SOMETHING WITH HER, I HAD BEEN QUICK TO SAY OK BUT IT HAD NOT BEEN WHAT I HAD THOUGHT IT WOULD BE. I had never minded when she had smoked around me as she had always made sure that it had been ok, she had pulled out a little wooden box that I had seen her in before. She had loaded up a little pipe and had told me that she had not wanted me to do what we were about to do with anyone else. She had loaded up a one hitter, and she had told me to inhale and assured me that If I did not like the way that it made me feel then it would be no big deal to tell her. I had been a little uneasy but I had trusted Allie not to give me anything that would be hard on me. I HAD TAKEN A HIT AND HAD FELT NOTHING, AND HAD TOLD HER SO THEN I WAS ABLE TO HEAR A SQUIRREL CHEWING ON A ACORN IN A TREE NEAR BY... THE FEELING HAD BEEN AWESOME AS I HAD NOT KNOWN ANYTHING COULD MAKE ME FEEL THAT GOOD AND I HAD LIKED THE WAY IT HAD SLOWED MY MIND DOWN BUT, SHOWN THAT I COULD BE AT PEACE BUT THE FEELING HAD NOT LASTED LONG.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
ROB"S BOMB SHELL
I had not seen or even spoken to Rob in a few months so I decided to give him a call. Every time I had called his house he was never there so I was constantly leaving messages on his answering machine. One day when I had called his wife had answered the phone and I asked her to please have him call me when he came home. That night came and went with no calls and that pissed me off! A few days went by and then I called his house again and got the answering machine.
When you no longer have a job and no car to go anywhere you have a lot of time to think about things and replay the events of better days and what you would and should have done. I know I had thought back to a few days earlier when I had a kick-ass car and a job.
The Camero, I would not have had the steering wheel adapter fall off if I would just have taken it in to the shop for the annual routine inspection. Why didn't I take it in, WHY? I could feel it coming loose. I should have taken it in. I had not had the time as they were only open during the week and I always had appointments and physical therapy at my gym. The shop had been in the down town area and the traffic had always been a mess,the other shop had been way over in Ocala. I had felt confident when driving that car especially when I had just washed it and the rims were shined up and the T-tops were out...Man, was I loving life!
The job and speaking of job In reality it was a dead-end. I was not going to advance, shit I could never even hope to get full time. The company (which I can't name here cause it could harm the chances of doing business with by selling my books through.) Had been and is to fucking cheap in awarding full time to associates. The main manager had finally made it clear to me that I was never going to be a department manager cause I could not reach the top shelf and the requirements (that I was informed were not going to be bent) for a department manager are to be able to do all the work that is expected of the workers in your department. The job had the promise of taking me no where.
The job and speaking of job In reality it was a dead-end. I was not going to advance, shit I could never even hope to get full time. The company (which I can't name here cause it could harm the chances of doing business with by selling my books through.) Had been and is to fucking cheap in awarding full time to associates. The main manager had finally made it clear to me that I was never going to be a department manager cause I could not reach the top shelf and the requirements (that I was informed were not going to be bent) for a department manager are to be able to do all the work that is expected of the workers in your department. The job had the promise of taking me no where.
I can buy another Camero later on down the road but that Camero was special. Rob went with me to find it and he had seen the car first and had pointed it out to me. I had seen the car and though that it was way nicer than anything that I would ever be able to afford. He put down the down payment for me and said that he would cover my car insurance for me until I found a job. The gesture of helping me get the car meant a lot but this had been about more than an awesome car. The reason why I did not have my drivers license was because I did not have the hand controls that I needed to operate a motor vehicle and getting a hold of those hand controls is not easy. I had to go and get a physical and obtain a doctor's note and then I had to present that note to an authorized dealer of the hand controls. The controls (only two) ran me almost a thousand dollars after installation. Once the controls were installed I had to meet the requirements of operating those controls, which was not to hard. I just had to have so many hours using that equipment before I was allowed to attempt to get my license. For this, Rob rode with me. I remember that on one occasion when I was driving I had noticed something, something that had been real. My dad was teaching me to drive on those Florida roads but my Dad was teaching me, his son (Debatable, but read on) how to drive. Sure I was almost 23yrs old but what if I was 16 again and he was there teaching his son how to drive. The feeling was brief but I will remember it forever. That is what I miss most about the Camero that I no longer had and I feel like the wrecked had ruined the bond between him and I.
I had left a message on his answering machine telling him that I was not going to do all the work at trying to get to know him and that he had to call me as well if we had any hopes of getting to know each other as father and son. I had then asked him to give me a call. Of course, days went by with no phone call and then 4 days later he called me up and told me that he wanted to talk to me about something and he was going to come by and check out my new place. We both had agreed that he would come over in a few days.
It had been August 8, 2007 and Rob pulled up in a brand new mustang and got out holding a case of beer under his arm. I was on my deck and I waved him up the ramp, noticing that he had a smile on his face. He entered my trailer and leaned down to give me a one armed hug and then turned to place the case of beer that he was holding in the other arm in the fridge, he had given me one of the beers and kept 1 for himself and then sat down on my couch. ( Which I slept on cause I did not yet have a bed. )
He told me that it was good to see me and that he needed to talk to me about something important, he began by telling me that he did get my messages but he was busy with other things that were going on in his life. Not only was he putting up with problems at work but, he was also worried about his marriage not working out and dealing with a worry that he had about me. He told me that he did not plan on talking to me about this but his wife had told him that this was something that I had needed to know about.......
He began by telling me that my father had gotten out of prison earlier that day and he paused for a moment and I am glad he did cause it took me a moment to analyze what I was not sure that I had just heard him say. He continued by telling me that when he had seen me at the airport for the first time he had thought that I looked just like his best friend that he had when he was stationed on the same base with Delores. He told me that he did not think that I was his son, at that point I had not even been looking at him. I began taking larger and larger drinks from the bottle until it had been empty and Rob stood up and went and got me another beer then sat back down to tell me what had happened.
They had gotten married and then were constantly fighting and one night when Rob stormed out, Delores called his best friend and fucked him to hurt Rob. Then he had told me that right after that had happened she had been pregnant. He had told me that he doubted that I was his son long before I was born and they had found out something had been wrong with me plus he said that was why he did not pay any child support until the courts made him. (His wife and her daughter and son both knew of Rob's doubts. This made sense to me cause on a few occasions when his wife had gotten mad at me the woman pointed out that she wanted to say something but Rob would not let her.)
He stood up and told me that he was going to go out on my front deck to smoke a cigarette and I had went out on the deck with him to finish our conversation and he asked me if I would mind going for a blood test so that we could see if he was my dad. I told him that I wanted to find out and that I would do it and then I remember asking him what he wanted the results to be and he looked at me and told me that he would be my friend. I swallowed the last of my unknown tears at that moment. My parents , well the people that fucked and had me were both out of the loop as I was officially fighting this battle on my own.
He told me that he was going to head out but he was going to leave the beer with me cause he knew that I had a lot to think about before he had shaken my hand and told me that he would give me a call and then he went and got in the mustang and left.
Rob and her were always arguing and one day he was mad and did something that a husband should never do to his wife ( she would not tell me what he had done.) She had told me that what he had done was horrible and so she slept with his best friend because she wanted to hurt him.
I had asked her if Rob was my father and she told me that she thought so. (After all that he had done for me and how he helped me since I had moved to Florida in late 2004, I owe him a big thank you if he is not my father. But if he is, I would rather never talk to him again after the way he had deserted me.) The bottom line was that Delores was a States away and she had hurt me again.
She tried to lie to me by telling me that she had mentioned the other guy to me before, even tho she hadn't but she had not been done yet as she went as far as putting my little sister on the phone to back her up. They both tried lying to me. LYING BITCHES!!!!!!!!!
Friday, May 31, 2013
SHAVING MY CAT
70- SHAVING MY CAT
During that time I was young and I was also upset, but that is not an excuse. The couple had not been noticeably slow in the head but when I went over to borrow the clipper's I got the impression that they both were a little younger than I, even though they both physically looked older. (they were older)
Not even 10 minutes later there had been another knock on the door. I had thought that it was one or both of the neighbors again and they were back to check on the cat. I don't remember what I had yelled out but I know me, it was a smart assed comment that was probably about killing the cat.
I remember that the knock was repeated and the knock was followed by a gruff voice that told me that it had been the Police. I remember looking wide-eyed at my friend who had returned the same or very similar look. He tossed the cat (not really) and quickly hid the beers behind the couch. I had rolled to the door and answered it.
Ansonia, Ohio had been a small town with 2 cop cars and 2 cops and 1 Police Chief and the occasional Trooper or Sheriff that was passing through would answer the call. Fortunately for me one of the town cops answered the call. (The State Troopers were the worst but I will tell you about my experience with them later.)
The first words that came out of his mouth were in the form of a command. He had demanded that I get the cat and show it to him. He stayed standing in the hall and I could see that the couple had their front door open a crack. Hope it was nice and entertaining for them.
My friend handed me the cat and I held it while the officer quickly looked the cat over. Then he had pulled out a clipboard that must have been under his arm, He had told me that the way the cat looked was not what he expected to see when he had gotten there as the cat was purring and was not in a panic . (When he had first gotten what ever call they announced over the police band, he had probably thought that we were Satan worshippers or something and maybe we were drinking the cats blood. When he had knocked on the door maybe he thought that I would answer the door without a shirt on and have weird symbols drawn on my chest with cat blood. The cat would be laying limply in my arms and her head would be swinging loosely in response to every movement that I made with my upper body. We would have a circle drawn out on the floor and there would be lit candles all around the room. Of course I would be speaking to him in tongues and HANSON would be blaring on the stereo, mmm bop fucking neighbors. )
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The warning has since then expired an has been taken off my record. I have 1 cat now but when I find a hair on a plate or something, I get the urge......... But my cat shaving days are over.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Saturday, April 6, 2013
PUSHING HER AWAY
#66 - PUSHING HER AWAY
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NO FEELING
I had been at the Nutter Center one night for basketball practice and I had always been stuck guarding the big man. I was not a very good player as I always had problems getting the ball to even come close to touching the back board which had been embarrassing on more than one level . The way that the gym had been set up aloud view of the girls on the track team running laps on the plat form that had been built all the way around the gymnasium . There had been something very distracting about seeing those young muscular legs with beads of sweat running down them. Let me tell you that it is hard to guard against a man that out weighed you by at least a 100 pounds and all you can think about are the blondes running around above you in those tight little shorts . I had been working out a lot on my upper body and had figured that I would score a basket during a scrimmage game between the other members of my team, I had used to shoot a
lot of hoops but that was when I had my leg strength to help me arch that ball up to the hoop. I had made it around the guy that had been blocking me and I had called for the pass in which I had dribbled the ball twice and shot the ball up so hard that my ass had left the wheel chair seat, since the rules had been no wheelie bars to prevent the chairs from flipping over I had tipped and hit the hardwood floor hard with the back of my head. It had hurt so badly and I had not been able to hear the voice of my coach as he had been looking down at me, a beautiful girl who had been practicing volleyball on the court next to ours had even been looking down at me. LOOKING BACK I CAN SAY THAT IT HAD BEEN ONE OF THE MOST FRIGHTENING FEW MOMENTS OF MY LIFE AS I HAD NOT BEEN ABLE TO FEEL MY FINGERS OR TOES, I HAD THOUGHT THAT IT HAD ALL BEEN OVER AS I HAD GONE AND BROKE MY NECK AND WOULD BE A VEGETABLE UNTIL THE END. I had been able to move in what had seemed like forever since I last had been able to and I had been helped up only to go over to the garbage can and puke my guts out. After that had happened I had no longer tried to score points and had just stuck with assist.
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Saturday, March 30, 2013
PROBLEMS AND POPO
#63 - -PROBLEMS AND POPO
I remember the ending months of living with Delores and how she had began to paint me as a bad guy to anyone that would listen to her, I had been an ungrateful handi-capped son who had blamed the world for my health problems. She had told people including my best friend Z that I had been very mean to her, she would claim that she had done everything for me but I would still lash out at her. She had gotten into the habit of calling out the same policemen every time that we had gotten into an argument. This cop had always talked to her outside on the wheel chair ramp before coming in and ordering me to give my mom the respect that she deserved for even putting up with someone like me and allowing me to live in her house. I had felt like I had been viewed as a rolling punk when I had known that I had not been, Delores had been getting weird.
One such occasion that I can recall without even trying to remember that well...
I remember the ending months of living with Delores and how she had began to paint me as a bad guy to anyone that would listen to her, I had been an ungrateful handi-capped son who had blamed the world for my health problems. She had told people including my best friend Z that I had been very mean to her, she would claim that she had done everything for me but I would still lash out at her. She had gotten into the habit of calling out the same policemen every time that we had gotten into an argument. This cop had always talked to her outside on the wheel chair ramp before coming in and ordering me to give my mom the respect that she deserved for even putting up with someone like me and allowing me to live in her house. I had felt like I had been viewed as a rolling punk when I had known that I had not been, Delores had been getting weird.
One such occasion that I can recall without even trying to remember that well...
THE BREAK UP AND LOSS
Dan and my mom had broken up once again in late 2000 which had sucked because I heard he had sold his house in Tennessee and transferred his job to Ohio. I remember that night well as I had been at the kitchen table doing some of my Psychology home work and there had been alot of yelling and screaming about what I had no idea, in Ohio when it's 11 o'clock pm it is fucking dark and on top of that we had a gang of wild raccoon's that had lived in the little patch of trees by the house. My mom had left Dan and a friend of his to climb up a ladder to the top of the car port to retrieve all of his belongings while giving him only so long to be off her property before she had called the cops. She had came into the kitchen and had shut off the light of the carport only to leave the kitchen light on and yell out a window to let him know how much time he had left, I had loved my mom but what she had been doing to Dan had been childish in my opinion. I had gotten out of the seat and had walked over to the door with my walker and turned the light back on and I had just made it back in the chair before my mom had stormed back into the kitchen, she had went over and turned the light back off giving me a glare before she had left the room.
I sat there until I heard one of the guys drop something heavy before I got back up and went over to the light switch turning it on and that time I did not make it back to my seat when Delores entered the Kitchen and told me to leave the light alone. She'd turned it off for the third time and left the room, I got up and went over to the light realizing that one of those guys was going to hurt themselves bad. That time I did not even make it away from the turned on light switch when Delores demanded that I come to her because she wanted to speak to me. I had gotten into my wheelchair as I had been tired from all the walking that I had done that day, If I remember correctly I can write that I was really tired and I had wished to go right to bed because I had fractures the next night. I rolled into the living room with Delores exiting her bedroom upon seeing me she waved me over to where the washer and dryer closet had been. She bent down getting right in my face and telling me that I had no Idea what Danny had done to her then reminded me of how I was accused of stealing his pot. I had not even smoked until a year later so I did not care what may or may not have been said about me, Instead I told her how childish she had been being that night. If she really wanted the guy to leave then turn on the light and let him get his shit. That is probably how I put it to her that night, her face had been very red and she was shaking with anger because she punched me in the forehead with her right fist. I don't even think she thought about what she had done because she immediately told me to hit her back, I could not believe what the woman had done and out of anger I called her a bitch. She hit me in the forehead again with right hand and thankfully she was not working out at that time. The hit did not hurt very badly but I was getting mad because she had once again ordered me to hit her back so I called her a cunt. She hit me a little harder the third time and as I was sitting there on my hands trying not to let the Bitch see me cry because that night my mom had died to me. Danny came into the house from obviously hearing what had been going on and told Delores that if she hit me again he would hit her. My half sister Samantha came down stairs from her room and yelled at Danny for going to hit her mom. I never got along with that little bitch probably because she reminded me so much of Minnie me but instead of that it was little Minnie Delores. Delores called him out telling him to tell me what he said about my stealing weed, his son Danbo was the stealer as I pointed out the time we had been in Tennessee when he and his little friends was trying to get me to smoke some with them. That was not important anyway to point out to Sam if her boyfriend smoked it so did Delores. Danny shook his head rapidly probably happy to no longer be on the spot and then poor little Sam cried. Danny left but, would come back only to drop me off on campus to live in the dorm. Delores bothered me all the time leaving several messages on my answering machine, I would be an idiot to go back willingly.
I sat there until I heard one of the guys drop something heavy before I got back up and went over to the light switch turning it on and that time I did not make it back to my seat when Delores entered the Kitchen and told me to leave the light alone. She'd turned it off for the third time and left the room, I got up and went over to the light realizing that one of those guys was going to hurt themselves bad. That time I did not even make it away from the turned on light switch when Delores demanded that I come to her because she wanted to speak to me. I had gotten into my wheelchair as I had been tired from all the walking that I had done that day, If I remember correctly I can write that I was really tired and I had wished to go right to bed because I had fractures the next night. I rolled into the living room with Delores exiting her bedroom upon seeing me she waved me over to where the washer and dryer closet had been. She bent down getting right in my face and telling me that I had no Idea what Danny had done to her then reminded me of how I was accused of stealing his pot. I had not even smoked until a year later so I did not care what may or may not have been said about me, Instead I told her how childish she had been being that night. If she really wanted the guy to leave then turn on the light and let him get his shit. That is probably how I put it to her that night, her face had been very red and she was shaking with anger because she punched me in the forehead with her right fist. I don't even think she thought about what she had done because she immediately told me to hit her back, I could not believe what the woman had done and out of anger I called her a bitch. She hit me in the forehead again with right hand and thankfully she was not working out at that time. The hit did not hurt very badly but I was getting mad because she had once again ordered me to hit her back so I called her a cunt. She hit me a little harder the third time and as I was sitting there on my hands trying not to let the Bitch see me cry because that night my mom had died to me. Danny came into the house from obviously hearing what had been going on and told Delores that if she hit me again he would hit her. My half sister Samantha came down stairs from her room and yelled at Danny for going to hit her mom. I never got along with that little bitch probably because she reminded me so much of Minnie me but instead of that it was little Minnie Delores. Delores called him out telling him to tell me what he said about my stealing weed, his son Danbo was the stealer as I pointed out the time we had been in Tennessee when he and his little friends was trying to get me to smoke some with them. That was not important anyway to point out to Sam if her boyfriend smoked it so did Delores. Danny shook his head rapidly probably happy to no longer be on the spot and then poor little Sam cried. Danny left but, would come back only to drop me off on campus to live in the dorm. Delores bothered me all the time leaving several messages on my answering machine, I would be an idiot to go back willingly.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
BACK TO SCHOOL IN THE 9TH GRADE
BACK TO SCHOOL IN THE 9TH GRADE
I was told that the Doctors decided I needed to go back to school and be around others my own age right?, "I needed to interact with those". Apparently a few of my doctors got together with who ever help made that bad idea to decide that Brandon needed to be around his friends. I should have known it was going to be a nightmare when the short bus picked me up a few minutes later than what I was told to be there but hey I love sitting out in front of where I live in my wheel chair watching people smile as they drove by. i dont think any of those adults were laughing now but I did back then. I finally arrived at the high school and was handed over to a long haired bald man then I learned would be accompanying me every where until I got back on the bus, let me point something out right now and say it wasnt his dream job. Talking to the guy that first day I learned he used to be NOT SO professional wrestler that used to wear a mask, I dont want to give his name so its like the piss ass hippie avenger. My first lesson had been when I seen a girl i used to make laugh walking down the hall, I know that we were looking at each other when I gave her the friendly knod and the girl turned down a hallway, it was on my mind all day and unknown to me it was going to be one of those reality checks thats still hit me today in one way or another. The second chick I got that first day was seeing a girl i had "dated" the first day we went to Troy Oh. I met a very cool guy on that short bus and we always talked every day on the way home about professional wrestling, after my surgery I would see it come on late at night and would soon and knowing more about the back stage part of it. The reality checks kept coming and coming and one day my aide and i got into an argument about something I said to someone else who was not my friend, did i forget to mention the only time i got away from the guy is when taking a piss. I couldnt talk to anyone that wanted to or say something out loud in class because this fucker would only be sentting a few desks away if that. Back to the show, it was something so idiotic that hurts i cant remember for this post! Remember, we had one 14 year old boy and a 30 something year old man. I remember him leaning towards me and grabbing one of the papers i had just gotten back graded from the teacher, he arched his hand like shooting a basketball and the damn paper went into the grey garbage can. One of my teachers had been wacthing the disruption we were creating that eventually might damage a fellow classmates learning potential, God that sounds familiar. Both expected me to roll over and retrieve the paper from the bottom of the garbage can and that is how I found out they had three principals because the wreslter and I were sent to see one. I really hated having to go back even though only there for four hours a day and honestly dont know how i mentally made it through but I can say that was the turning point to who I am now. I ended up being pulled back out of school to begin home schooling when we moved over to a house in the same city.
I was told that the Doctors decided I needed to go back to school and be around others my own age right?, "I needed to interact with those". Apparently a few of my doctors got together with who ever help made that bad idea to decide that Brandon needed to be around his friends. I should have known it was going to be a nightmare when the short bus picked me up a few minutes later than what I was told to be there but hey I love sitting out in front of where I live in my wheel chair watching people smile as they drove by. i dont think any of those adults were laughing now but I did back then. I finally arrived at the high school and was handed over to a long haired bald man then I learned would be accompanying me every where until I got back on the bus, let me point something out right now and say it wasnt his dream job. Talking to the guy that first day I learned he used to be NOT SO professional wrestler that used to wear a mask, I dont want to give his name so its like the piss ass hippie avenger. My first lesson had been when I seen a girl i used to make laugh walking down the hall, I know that we were looking at each other when I gave her the friendly knod and the girl turned down a hallway, it was on my mind all day and unknown to me it was going to be one of those reality checks thats still hit me today in one way or another. The second chick I got that first day was seeing a girl i had "dated" the first day we went to Troy Oh. I met a very cool guy on that short bus and we always talked every day on the way home about professional wrestling, after my surgery I would see it come on late at night and would soon and knowing more about the back stage part of it. The reality checks kept coming and coming and one day my aide and i got into an argument about something I said to someone else who was not my friend, did i forget to mention the only time i got away from the guy is when taking a piss. I couldnt talk to anyone that wanted to or say something out loud in class because this fucker would only be sentting a few desks away if that. Back to the show, it was something so idiotic that hurts i cant remember for this post! Remember, we had one 14 year old boy and a 30 something year old man. I remember him leaning towards me and grabbing one of the papers i had just gotten back graded from the teacher, he arched his hand like shooting a basketball and the damn paper went into the grey garbage can. One of my teachers had been wacthing the disruption we were creating that eventually might damage a fellow classmates learning potential, God that sounds familiar. Both expected me to roll over and retrieve the paper from the bottom of the garbage can and that is how I found out they had three principals because the wreslter and I were sent to see one. I really hated having to go back even though only there for four hours a day and honestly dont know how i mentally made it through but I can say that was the turning point to who I am now. I ended up being pulled back out of school to begin home schooling when we moved over to a house in the same city.
Sunday, February 3, 2013
DRIVING LESSONS
#55- DRIVING LESSONS
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Every time Delores had taken me out and let me drive her around in the car I had always felt very nervous because she had been a no patient having woman that I could never seem to get on any good side that she might have had. Every time that I had made a mistake she would have me pull over and slap me in the back of my head. I had decided that I would never get my license. After I had turned 18 her new boyfriend Dan had been the one that I would ask to give me my lessons, Dan had helped ease the nervousness by keeping Delores from giving me a hard time, he had enjoyed drinking and would always give Delores enough alcohol to keep her from getting on my case. I do not think that I had been that bad of a driver but the two of them had to be drunk enough to leave me the fuck alone from the back seat. The highway had been my favorite as there had not been all of the stop and go with the damn stop signs and lights. I had a large wheel chair topper on the top of the car that had always sucked as the big trucks had blown me all around and I had never enjoyed that car very much because the first 3 letters on the plates had been PMS. The license plate had not even been a vanity plate. With the wheel chair topper it had not been hard to tell where I had been as the top of the Grand Am had looked like it had a big U-Haul box on it, I remembered the way I would wash and vacuum out that car often and had even decided what items I wanted to put on that car when I began working. My mom had broken my heart when one day she had told me that the car would never be mine and she had her doubts that I would ever be allowed to get my Driver's License. Drea had gotten pipes on her car that had been so loud you could literally hear her coming from blocks away and she was not allowed to go through drive-thrus . Her Beretta had been bad - assed as she had put a loud system in the car that made the seats vibrate which had sometimes felt better than the pillows that I would hump.
IN JANUARY OF 2001 DELORES HAD DECIDED THAT SHE WAS GOING TO DONATE THE CAR THAT HAD MY CONTROLS IN IT TO CHARITY. I HAD WANTED HER TO TAKE MY STUFF OFF OF THE CAR AND GIVE THEM TO ME AS THE MDA HAD BOUGHT THEM FOR ME. DELORES HAD TOLD ME THAT SHE WOULD NOT TAKE MY WHEEL CHAIR TOPPER OFF OF THE CAR BECAUSE IT WOULD LEAVE HOLES IN THE ROOF. SHE HAD TOLD ME THAT I COULD BUY THE 94 GRANDAM FROM HER FOR $5000 AND I HAD REMINDED HER THAT SHE HAD ONLY GIVEN ME $85 DOLLARS A WEEK OUT OF MY OWN DISABILITY MONEY. SHE HAD NOT SEEN TO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HER ORIGINAL PLAN OF DONATING THE CAR TO CHARITY. THAT DUMB BITCH DID NOT EVEN BUY THE CAR HERSELF AS IT HAD BEEN GIVEN TO HER BY A GROUP OF PEOPLE TO TRANSFER HER HANDICAP SON TO APPOINTMENTS. IT HAD BEEN MY FAULT THAT I HAD NEVER WENT TO THE SOCIAL SECURITY OFFICE IN THE AREA SO THAT I WOULD HAVE CONTROL OF THE MONEY THAT THE STATE HAD PROVIDED TO ME TO LIVE OFF OF. I HAD NOT BEEN FEELING LIKE GOING UP AGAINST THE CONTROLLING WOMAN BECAUSE IT WOULD BE MORE STRESSFUL THAT I HAD NEEDED AT THAT POINT.
C#54 - MY BATHROOM ADVENTURE
MY BATHROOM ADVENTURE
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I had gone to BUFFALO WILD WINGS ;with Ally and my friend Z one night, I had eaten some mild wings as the two of us had sat over at the bar while Ally had done her normal routine of hanging out with some of the guys she had known there. Z and I had wished that Ally would buy us a beer as we had both been under 21 at the time and could not order it ourselves, despite what my mom had thought Ally had not allowed us to drink that night. When I had came home with a broken tail bone.
I had been using my walker that night as I normally had during my senior year of high school and both Z and I had just drank soda with our wings until we had been about to burst. We had both went into the bathroom to take a leak when a man came out of the bathroom door holding a beer in each hand, (TALK ABOUT A FUCKING-DRUNK!) the man had almost plowed over me and had almost knocked me right off my feet but my friend had caught me before I had lost my balance. The two of us had just made it into the bathroom when the door had swung open and that time my friend had not even had a chance to try and catch me,the corner of the door had hit me in the back in a way that had spun me around to look at the door before falling on my butt. My friend had tried to help me up ofF the floor as he had yelled at the person on the other side of the door. THE TWO OF US MUST HAVE LOOKED LIKE A PAIR OF BOOBS THAT HAD SEEM TO HAVE BEEN THE YOUNGEST PEOPLE THERE THAT NIGHT AND JUST IMAGINE ME FALLING WHILE I STILL HAD BEEN HOLDING ON TO MY WALKER. I had told my friend to give me a moment as I had hurt like hell and he had not been that much bigger and definitely not taller. AT ONE POINT HE HAD ACTUALLY TRIED TO DRAG ME AWAY FROM THE BATHROOM DOOR ON THE DIRTY FLOOR. I had been laying there trying to catch my breath when the door had once again SWUNG open as far as my prone body would allow, I had once again lost hold of my breath as that damn door had drill me right in the lower back. I had heard my friend yelling for the guy to wait a damn minute! Then the little guy that he had been had stepped over me and had gone out of the bathroom door to get Ally. Some of the dudes with her had helped me up and my tail bone had been killing me even when I had gotten in to Ally's truck. I HAD NOT EVEN GOTTEN TO USE THE URINAL AND HAD BEEN HOLDING IT UNTIL WE HAD BEEN DROPPED OFF AT THE HOUSE. Z Had told me that the guy who had almost knocked me over When he had came out of the bathroom had been the one who had knocked me down and he also had been the one who had been trying to get into the bathroom as he had been trying to apologize for almost knocking me over. I had also been told that he had still been holding a beer in each hand. My friend and Ally had tried to figure out if the guy had spilled any of his beer while he had been trying to open the bathroom door with his shoulder, that had been the main subject in her truck until she had dropped us off.
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I had gone to BUFFALO WILD WINGS ;with Ally and my friend Z one night, I had eaten some mild wings as the two of us had sat over at the bar while Ally had done her normal routine of hanging out with some of the guys she had known there. Z and I had wished that Ally would buy us a beer as we had both been under 21 at the time and could not order it ourselves, despite what my mom had thought Ally had not allowed us to drink that night. When I had came home with a broken tail bone.
I had been using my walker that night as I normally had during my senior year of high school and both Z and I had just drank soda with our wings until we had been about to burst. We had both went into the bathroom to take a leak when a man came out of the bathroom door holding a beer in each hand, (TALK ABOUT A FUCKING-DRUNK!) the man had almost plowed over me and had almost knocked me right off my feet but my friend had caught me before I had lost my balance. The two of us had just made it into the bathroom when the door had swung open and that time my friend had not even had a chance to try and catch me,the corner of the door had hit me in the back in a way that had spun me around to look at the door before falling on my butt. My friend had tried to help me up ofF the floor as he had yelled at the person on the other side of the door. THE TWO OF US MUST HAVE LOOKED LIKE A PAIR OF BOOBS THAT HAD SEEM TO HAVE BEEN THE YOUNGEST PEOPLE THERE THAT NIGHT AND JUST IMAGINE ME FALLING WHILE I STILL HAD BEEN HOLDING ON TO MY WALKER. I had told my friend to give me a moment as I had hurt like hell and he had not been that much bigger and definitely not taller. AT ONE POINT HE HAD ACTUALLY TRIED TO DRAG ME AWAY FROM THE BATHROOM DOOR ON THE DIRTY FLOOR. I had been laying there trying to catch my breath when the door had once again SWUNG open as far as my prone body would allow, I had once again lost hold of my breath as that damn door had drill me right in the lower back. I had heard my friend yelling for the guy to wait a damn minute! Then the little guy that he had been had stepped over me and had gone out of the bathroom door to get Ally. Some of the dudes with her had helped me up and my tail bone had been killing me even when I had gotten in to Ally's truck. I HAD NOT EVEN GOTTEN TO USE THE URINAL AND HAD BEEN HOLDING IT UNTIL WE HAD BEEN DROPPED OFF AT THE HOUSE. Z Had told me that the guy who had almost knocked me over When he had came out of the bathroom had been the one who had knocked me down and he also had been the one who had been trying to get into the bathroom as he had been trying to apologize for almost knocking me over. I had also been told that he had still been holding a beer in each hand. My friend and Ally had tried to figure out if the guy had spilled any of his beer while he had been trying to open the bathroom door with his shoulder, that had been the main subject in her truck until she had dropped us off.
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Saturday, February 2, 2013
SUSPENDED FROM SCHOOL
#48 - SUSPENDED FROM SCHOOL
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C#34 - RE- CAPPING
RE-CAPPING
When I had been younger, I had learned to go to a happy place in my head or another place that would help to take my mind off of the pain that I had been in. I remember
Sunday, January 20, 2013
DEATH
#32 - DEATH
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I had went to the hospital earlier that morning and had awoken much later that day. Even though it was many
years ago, I remember it well.
I had opened my eyes to see a dull white ceiling looming over me. I had been lying in a hospital because I had seen the metal rails were up when I turned my head. I had tried to turn my head to the left and see what was in the other direction but I couldn't. My head had ignored my brain ordering it to turn. I had tried to raise my head from the pillow but the sudden shooting pain convinced me to forget about lifting my head. I had seen a young nurse that was sitting in a chair flipping through a magazine, I had opened my mouth and tried to speak to her but my words were neither clear or loud. She had heard me though and came over to my bed, if I had been standing in her spot looking into my bed I wonder what I might have seen. I mean, my voice had came out weak and brittle sounding. Did I look anything like the way that I had sounded? I had asked her if they had been about ready to do the surgery and she had looked at me and laughed a second before telling me that the surgery had already been done. I had been very surprised after she had told me that the surgery had already been done because I had only remembered taking all of the pills the nurse had given to me. Wow! Those had been some powerful drugs. The nurse told me that the doctors had not want me trying to sit up yet and that she wanted me to stay still while she went to get another nurse. It had had seemed like I had been laying there a long time before she came back into the room accompanied by a male nurse. Well I did not see them, either of them, but I had heard their voices when they entered the room. The male nurse walked over to the bed and told me his name and then told me that they were going to take me to my own room.
I could not see much but I could hear numerous voices coming from the doorway of the room that my bed was being rolled through. Someone wrapped their arms around me, it had been my mom.. She had been choking back tears and she asked me if I had seen her mom. (Her mom had gotten sick and died when D' had been a young girl..) I had no idea why she had asked me that, my Grandma (technically, my great aunt) 2 of my sisters and some of my cousins were in the room. It was not long before my main doctor came into the room and asked me how I had been feeling.
I later found out that I had died 3 times during the surgery, the first had been for 3 minutes and the second time lasted for 5 minutes then the doctors immediately lost me again for another 3 minutes. I had been told that after that, the doctors had been confident that I would not be able to survive the surgery but I came back. I had no further problems after that.
I had been dead and I did not remember anything........No white light, no voices and no music. Nothing had been done, I had not experienced anything like how death experiences have been described by others.
I will say that I was totally rested and would not be able or even need to sleep for a few days. Today as I sit here in my office and recollect my thoughts on the surgery for this blog entry, all I can remember about the operating room and the surgery itself, is not much. I remember smelling my own blood and my doctor's voice, instructing me to wiggle my fingers. That is all I can remember.
LAST MEMORY OF WALKING
It was early in the morning and the hospital seemed like it was almost empty. The three of us were the only ones in the waiting room and the hard plastic chairs were surprisingly cold. The only noise that was being projected came from the television that was mounted high on the wall and was broadcasting the DISNEY channel, we did not sit there long before a nurse that was carrying a folder had came out from the back room and asked me to come to the back so that she could weigh me and get me prepped. I was so nervous and I remember how it had felt like my ass was firmly fastened to the chair by 2 brand new strips of velcro. My grandpa seemed to either see or sense that I was going to need help because he reached under my arm with his and helped me to stand up. He had then grabbed my hand (The only time that I can remember him ever holding my hand., there was usually a beer in his hand.) and he walked along side me as I went with the nurse.
Once in the back room I had to remove my clothing and put a gown on. I was a scrawny kid and I bet my skinny, white ass was hanging out and mooning every one as I walked over to the scale so that I could be weighed. After being weighed I was lead to a room that had a bed in it and my mom and my grandpa were sitting in there and waiting for me. When I went into the room I was told that someone would be in to start my I.V and I was asked if there was anything that I needed. I was so hungry but they would not let me have anything to eat except for ice chips. Someone had asked me if I wanted to play NINTENDO and I told them that I did. A nurse came into the room pushing a cart and told me that she was going to start my I.V and then she was going to insert the catheter and at that point I had thrown a fit. (I was not about to let anyone put anything into the tip of my PP!) I was in a panic and the nurse re-checked her notes and seen that that the catheter was to be inserted after I had fallen asleep. I was calmed down when she had assured me that the catheter was to be inserted when I had fallen asleep and she was able to insert the I.V needle without me making a sound. (As long as I am able to watch the needle, shots do not bother me.) They brought in a TV that was on a cart that also had a NINTENDO on it. There were only 2 games, TETRIS and DICK TRACY. TETRIS was a boring game to me at that time so I had played the GAME. I remember how I had been interrupted from my game by a man that had been dressed like a doctor. He came in to ask a few questions about my blood type in case something went wrong and they needed to give me some donor blood. (My grandpa offered to give me some of his blood and I remember how my mom had looked at me and smiled because we both had known that his blood had been high in alcohol.) The doctor had left the room and a nurse brought me in a small cup with a few pills in it along with a cup full of water. Not long after I had taken the pills, I had started to feel drowsy.
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My last memory of walking had taken place that morning.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
STEEL RODS ARE FOREVER
I had asked the doctor if the steel rod's were ever going to rust while in my body and I wanted to know if the rods were ever going to have to be replaced. He said no to the rust and he had said that once the rod's were in my body, the rods would never be able to come out. He then told me a story about how strong the rod's were: The doctor had assisted in this procedure before and they had put the same design of rod's in this little boy's back. The boy's mother was taking him home traveling on the highway when the car broke down on the side of the highway. The mother had told the son to stay in the car while she got out of the car and raised the hood. The boy was young and of course did not listen to his mother and opened his door and got out. He was in the back seat on the driver's side. As soon as he got out of the car, he got split in half by a semi truck. It killed him of course but when they took the boy's body in the ambulance, they noted that the boy's spine was still intact due to the rod's. He told me not to worry because they were not going to do the surgery until after Christmas and New Year's. Then he told me to have a good Christmas.
(THE STORY MAY NOT BE WORD FOR WORD BUT ITS PRETTY DAMN CLOSE.)
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Sunday, October 21, 2012
THE PROBLEM THE SOLUTION
#28 - THE PROBLEM THE SOLUTION
The 3 of us had sat inside Dr. lehner's privet office in down town Dayton. I had never seen him out side of Children's Medical Center and I had kept myself busy looking at all of the photos that he had hanging all over his office. Neither my mom or I had figured out why he had wanted to see me outside of the hospital and he had not kept us waiting very long, he had came into the office and had gotten straight to the point. He had told me that he had been following the curvature of my spin for awhile and he had went on to tell me that when I had my leg operated on, he had taken an ex-ray of both my leg and back. He then had told me that he had also taken an ex-ray of my back the day that I had my cast removed and he had mentioned that he had not liked how big of a difference that he had seen in the curvature in such a short period of time. HE HAD NORMALLY KEPT ME IN A CAST FOR A MONTH OR TWO BEFORE HE HAD IT TAKEN OFF, I HAD ALWAYS HATED HIM FOR MAKING ME OPERATE NORMALLY WITH A BROKEN BONE THAT HAD NOT HAD THE SHELTER OF A CAST. I WOULD NOT UNDERSTAND HIS MENTALITY OF USE IT OR LOSE IT UNTIL MANY YEARS LATER. I remember how he had turned on a lite on behind him and pulled two ex-rays from his desk, my mom had went over the two ex-rays while the doctor had explained the curvature to her and where it had been. The two ex-rays had looked the same to me so I had quit looking at them. When my mom had sat back down the doctor had told me that he had thought that I had now been old enough for him to include in any conversation hat had involved my body and health from that point on. I had always known that they had been keeping me in the dark about a lot of shit but, I had liked the idea of no more secrets from them to me when it had been about me.
H e had told both of us that if we had allowed my scoliosis to continue at the rate that it had been going, my lungs would eventually be crushed and that would make it harder for me to breath and walk. He had looked at me before he had told me that he could fix the problem but, it would require surgery and like all the surgery had risks. I remember how my mom had started to cry as the doctor had been defining for me what the risks had been, the only thing that I had not liked was the idea of the catheter that was going to be put in my penis. He had told me that he had understood my worry and would make sure that the catheter would be put in after I had been asleep, that had been the only thing that I had worried about. WHEN YOU ARE YOUNG IT IS FUNNY THAT THE THING YOU FOCUS ON AND HEAR IS NOT ALWAYS THE WORST THING WHEN GIVEN A LIST OF BAD SCENARIOS. before we had left his office, my doctor had wanted to know if we both had trusted him. He had reminded the two of us that it had been important to take care of that matter immediately, he had then told us that he had given the matter much thought and the surgery had seemed to be the most logical as well as permanent solution.
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The 3 of us had sat inside Dr. lehner's privet office in down town Dayton. I had never seen him out side of Children's Medical Center and I had kept myself busy looking at all of the photos that he had hanging all over his office. Neither my mom or I had figured out why he had wanted to see me outside of the hospital and he had not kept us waiting very long, he had came into the office and had gotten straight to the point. He had told me that he had been following the curvature of my spin for awhile and he had went on to tell me that when I had my leg operated on, he had taken an ex-ray of both my leg and back. He then had told me that he had also taken an ex-ray of my back the day that I had my cast removed and he had mentioned that he had not liked how big of a difference that he had seen in the curvature in such a short period of time. HE HAD NORMALLY KEPT ME IN A CAST FOR A MONTH OR TWO BEFORE HE HAD IT TAKEN OFF, I HAD ALWAYS HATED HIM FOR MAKING ME OPERATE NORMALLY WITH A BROKEN BONE THAT HAD NOT HAD THE SHELTER OF A CAST. I WOULD NOT UNDERSTAND HIS MENTALITY OF USE IT OR LOSE IT UNTIL MANY YEARS LATER. I remember how he had turned on a lite on behind him and pulled two ex-rays from his desk, my mom had went over the two ex-rays while the doctor had explained the curvature to her and where it had been. The two ex-rays had looked the same to me so I had quit looking at them. When my mom had sat back down the doctor had told me that he had thought that I had now been old enough for him to include in any conversation hat had involved my body and health from that point on. I had always known that they had been keeping me in the dark about a lot of shit but, I had liked the idea of no more secrets from them to me when it had been about me.
H e had told both of us that if we had allowed my scoliosis to continue at the rate that it had been going, my lungs would eventually be crushed and that would make it harder for me to breath and walk. He had looked at me before he had told me that he could fix the problem but, it would require surgery and like all the surgery had risks. I remember how my mom had started to cry as the doctor had been defining for me what the risks had been, the only thing that I had not liked was the idea of the catheter that was going to be put in my penis. He had told me that he had understood my worry and would make sure that the catheter would be put in after I had been asleep, that had been the only thing that I had worried about. WHEN YOU ARE YOUNG IT IS FUNNY THAT THE THING YOU FOCUS ON AND HEAR IS NOT ALWAYS THE WORST THING WHEN GIVEN A LIST OF BAD SCENARIOS. before we had left his office, my doctor had wanted to know if we both had trusted him. He had reminded the two of us that it had been important to take care of that matter immediately, he had then told us that he had given the matter much thought and the surgery had seemed to be the most logical as well as permanent solution.
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WET CAST
After I had fell down in the kitchen the doctors had to operate on my leg as soon as the ambulance dropped me off at the Children's Medical Center, they were successful putting the bone back where it went. I had to wear a cast on my foot that had came up below my kneecap and let me tell you that one of the worst places to have a cast is on your foot, not only did the cast get in the way but I always seemed to itch like crazy. I also had a wound from the surgery that had been heeling up and that had only added to my itching misery. I had been told by my mom that I had no longer been able to stay home alone during that time period. She had been getting a lot of painting jobs from our land lord/slum lord and I had thought that it had been so boring sitting at a dirty apartment while I had waited for my mom to run out of paint or call it a day. Some times my little sister and I would play cards or start the never -ending task of trying to arrange my baseball cards, I still have memories of finding the occasional cockroach or spider choosing to be in the spot where we had set up shop with the cards. I WOULD OF COURSE SCREAM AND TRY TO GET UP AND WALK AWAY LIKE A LITTLE GIRL. I had never been surprised by the bad shape that the apartments had been in that our landlord had been trying to rent out. NOW THAT I AM OLDER AND HAVE A BETTER SENSE OF HOW MUCH THINGS COST, OUR LANDLORD HAD BEEN A VERY BAD PERSON BY TRYING TO MAKE A BUCK ON THOSE TRASHY HOLES. My mom had just finished painting one day when it had started to pour out side and wouldn't you know, we were already outside I had worried about my walking cast getting wet. MY DOCTORS HAD ALWAYS WARNED ME ABOUT NOT GETTING THE CAST WET AND MY MOM HAD ALWAYS MADE ME WEAR GARBAGE BAGS AROUND ALL MY CASTS WHEN I WAS TAKEN A SHOWER. I had stepped into a deep pot hole because the damn landlord had kept the drive ways in the same shape as the apartments. I had really gotten that cast wet and had felt the water soak into the foot of my cast, if I had been able to wear a shoe on that foot I can only wonder on how wet I would have gotten the bottom of that cast. When I had gotten back to the apartment my mom had taken the hairdryer to the bottom of the cast to try and dry it. A few days later I had to go into the hospital because it was time to have the cast removed and unlike the numerous other cast that I had taken off, this one had hurt as it had been stuck to my heel. I remember how bad it had hurt as the plaster had seem to get stuck on my skin,I had been told right away that I must have gotten the cast wet. TODAY THE KIDS ARE LUCKY BECAUSE THERE ARE NOW CAST THAT CAN BE WORN WHILE YOU ARE SWIMMING IN A POOL, I HAVE SEEN A KID SWIMMING AND HAD WARNED HIM THAT IT WOULD HURT WHEN HE WENT AND HAD IT REMOVED. HE HAD JUST LOOKED AT ME AS IF I HAD BEEN CRAZY AND I HAD REALIZED THAT THE DAYS OF PLASTER CAST HAD BEEN A THING OF THE PAST. So there I had been, Larry was trying to remove that cast and I had done my best not to ball me eyes out as the skin around my heel has been burning while being ripped off. Have you ever had a cast removed? There is a bunch of hair and dirt as well as bad odor and on that occasion, I have been glad to see that the incision scab had been healing up nicely. EVEN TO THIS DAY, I AM GLAD TO ANNOUNCE THAT HAD BEEN THE ONLY BURN THAT HAS EVER PIERCED THROUGH MY SKIN.
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Sunday, October 14, 2012
BROKEN
It had been the weekend and I had been excited about the ending of the school year, I had only few weeks to go and then I would be on summer break and then be at the high school to start 9th grade. I was home alone and doing the dishes because it had been a chore of mine and It had been the middle of the afternoon and my dog had been asleep right by my feet. I hated to do the dishes and my mom had known it, instead of the chore being rotated between me and my sister it had became solely my job. I especially hated to wash the silverware cause I could never get the damn forks fully clean, Don't you hate that? Anyway, my mom would fully inspect everything and if there were too many dirty things, she would empty every dish out of the damn cupboard and make me wash them all. This would piss me off because then I would be washing dishes for hours, even today in my place I wait to do the dishes until I absolutely have to. I used to just buy more plastic dixie cups and plates but that became to expensive. When I had done the dishes as a kid I had my own system, I would fill the sink with very sudsy water and then I would throw in all the non-sharp silverware. I would leave the silverware in there and start washing the plates and left the washed plates pile in the other sink, then I had put the remaining dirty plates and bowls on top of the soaking silverware. Just hang in there, it is going to get interesting... I could not use really hot water because my reflexes had not allow it, (my hands would jerk back fast because the hot liquid would hurt my hand.) (It still has that effect today with hotter liquids.) So I had been in a bit of a hurry to get the dishes done before the water had gotten cold and was moving around kinda fast, I had not been watching my footing and tripped over the dog. I fell on my stomach and slammed my forehead against the floor, I did not move an inch until the noise in my head quieted and I could hear again. Then I took inventory of the muscle movements to see if anything had been broken or had became disconnected and everything felt fine so, I had rolled over. I had felt my right foot tingle as I had rolled over and then it had went numb, I had been on my back and my foot felt like your arm does when you have slept on it all night, when I had looked down at my foot I had seen that my ankle had been flat against the floor and my foot had been aimed to the right. I had breathed a sigh of relief because my right foot had not been pointing to the left. I had on a pair of socks so when I had wiggled my toes I should not have had a problem seeing them move but they had not. no matter how hard I had tried. I could not move the toes on my right foot, I had tried to move the foot itself and it had not moved. At that point, I had been more curious than scared because I had not felt any pain. I had been on the kitchen floor for at least 10 min and had been ready to get up. I had again tried to move the right foot and my calf muscle had been bulging from the effort, still the numbness and still the foot refused to move. I had reached down with my right hand and wrapped it around the calf and pulled my leg upright with my hand, The numbness had been immediately erased by a very sharp and constant pain. (Thinking back, I could not pinpoint the exact location of the pain without knowing both the numbness stoppage and the visual confirmation.) My pajama pant had became wet around the spot just below and in front of the calf of my right leg. I remember screaming out in pain hoping that God would come help me, he didn't. I had felt my eyes trying to roll up in my head and try to see my brain, the pain. My hand had still been behind the calf, holding my leg up and I had seen that my foot had been hanging down and at a weird angle and swinging limply right and left from the vibrations of my screams. The back of my head had hit the kitchen floor with a thump. Had I passed out? I had not known because I had been trying to raise the pajama pant leg up to see the wet spot on the front of my lower leg. (What the hell had I been doing? Maybe I had been curious, I don't know.) The pain had been increasing with every tug at the pant leg. Here comes the nasty part but first let me ask you, have you every been eating out of a small can of peanuts and put your mouth in the can itself and smelled the can, more towards the bottom ? That smell had seemed to fill my nostrils and when I had slid the entire pant leg up far enough to reveal the area that had made my pant wet I had seen a purple bubble containing various veins and trying to protrude from that bubble was later found out to have been my Tibia bone. I had looked away in disgust but the image had been burnt in my brain. The kitchen phone had been high up on the wall and out of my reach I had began clawing the floor with my left hand so that I could slide on my butt while pulling myself into the living room. I had still been holding my foot with my right hand and was feeling the pain even more when I had been moving. (At 27 I can say that I had feared no man, I fear snakes and spiders and the feeling of being helpless.) Crawling to the phone left me to simmer in that state. When I had reached the phone to call my mom and tell her that I had fallen and had been hurt bad, I had laid my head on the carpet as the dog had been looking at me while she had been hiding under the chair. I had closed my eyes as I had Heard approaching sirens. I had remembered the painful ride in the ambulance as it had seemed to hit every bump with my leg feeling it all. When I had gotten to the hospital I had been put to sleep and operated on and the bone was re-attached.
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