The Meaning of a Name

When I was younger D' had told me that she knew what she was going to call me because of a dream. I do not know how she came up with my middle name, maybe she dreamed that as well. But my last name has always been different from both D' and my sisters. I had chosen to keep the last name of the man that I thought was my real dad, (I had found my birth certificate.) instead of taking the name of my step. Some of the black kids in my old neighborhood referred to me as a Cracker but I had no idea what a Cracker was.

One night when I was laying in a hospital bed after the surgery, I became the CrippledCracker

When I turned 18 and had graduated from high school and fell out with D', I never went by my birth name. Everyone refer ed to me as CCracker because that is the name that I would introduce myself as. When I had came to Florida and met with my dad and his family, I told them all to call me CCracker. I did

not want to be called by my first name because

D' had given it to me. (Plus, I felt and feel like the person that went by my first name had died in the hospital when the CCracker was born.)

People I worked with referred to me by name but they were the only people that were tolerated to do so.

When I had moved to Florida in late 04 I was staying with my dad and his family until, his wife gave me an impossible deadline to move out. She then hit me with a guilt trip that I could not believe and then I gathered my clothes in disgust. The whole time that I lived in my car I did not hear from anyone. One night after work when I had pulled into the parking lot of my gym and was about to go to sleep, I had looked through the t-tops at the sky. It was at this point that I had decided to change my name. D' had given me my first and middle and I had Bob's last name. I decided that changing my name would help me to eliminate linkage to them and deny them any chance to share in my achievements. (D' knew that I was living in my car because she had gotten my number and was calling me often. It was not hard to see where I stood in Bob's eyes.)

I had always told myself that if I ever had a daughter I would name her Montana Marie. If I had a son, his name would be Dillon Lee. So I decided that I would be known as Dillon Lee Lashton (I just came up with the last name out of the blue.)

My fiance refuses to call me Dillon and told me that she really wants our marriage license to display Brandon (my orig. first name) Because of my love and devotion to her, I am going to keep the first but the middle and last become Lee Lashton.

My name is Brandon Lee Lashton and I am about to start my new life.