FIRST FINDING OUT THAT I HAD A DAD

#01-FIRST FINDING OUT THAT I HAD A DAD

I had lived in Springfield,Ohio and  I am unable to remember my exact age but, this time period had been around the time that I had been due to begin the 1st grade.  It had always been my mom and I for as long as I could remember on a long- term basis anyway meaning a boyfriend here and there but they never hung around long.  I loved my mom very much and never missed out on any of her affection, I had not began to think about the idea of even having a dad until my mom had married Roger.   He had been both an alcoholic and very abusive to my mom and I.   I guess the term of aloholic is normally followed in description with the term of abusive.  One day I had been told by my mom that I had to  straighten and organize the books and magazines that had been on an old bookcase in my room.  I had to normally straighten that case about once or twice a month and you might not have guessed by my age but I had been able to read books without pictures pretty well.  Although, I did have a lot of books that I had enjoyed based on my age range.  I was always getting new books and I had totally loved to read.  One Christmas I had even gotten an electronic story-teller where you had to push a colored button to access a list of choices and then you would press another colored button that had represented what you had wanted the main character to do. I would cheat by reading through the short storied book and find out the result of every choice before I would load the tape in the electronic reader.  I had a collection of books that I had been very proud of and at  the time, THE  SESAME STREET TREASURY collection  I had almost all of them and had kept them in numerical order but, that old bookcase had never stayed clean.  SO I HAD BEEN- cleaning the case, which had meant that I would toss every book on the floor and then wipe down each shelf with a rag.  My next move would be to load up the top shelf with the larger books and make sure that each book had been standing straight up on the shelf with the label pointing out, then I would go on to each additional shelf with the smaller books.  My magazines and many comic books would get stacked up on the bottom shelf along with a few books that had belonged to my mom and I had decided that day to see what the books had been.  I had cleaned that case numerous times and never bothered to look at the books on the bottom shelf, I was never nosy I had just never cared.  UNTIL THAT POINT.  My mom had a few boring textbooks and an old bible but, I had noticed that one of the books had been my baby book.  I had glanced through a few of the pages but had stopped when a paper had fallen out, at first I had been scared because I had thought that I might have been too rough with the book.  I had laid the book down and unfolded the paper to read that it had been my birth-certificate and despite seeing a weird name behind my moms, I had seen a different name than Roger's as being my father.  I had been able to read but yet I had not been mentally developed enough to know where I had came from and that my mom had a maiden name, at that time I had not even known what a maiden name had been.  I had always wondered why my last name had been different from my mom's and when I had told her about what I had found, I had gotten in trouble for going through things that I had known had not belonged to me.  My mom had given me the option to take on Roger's last name but, I had chosen to keep that of my dad's.